Yeah! time for the next trip – not a one that I can honestly say was thought through very much, it was a case of “where have we not been that will be hot in March? Hong Kong & the Philippines it is then!
With that being said, it will become apparent that some of our choices were dubious ones.
So off to the airport we go in the mankiest of Sunday morning taxis that were obviously available, to the point that I wiped my feet on the way out and had to give Richard a dust down to get all of the hairs off him. As we floated through duty free it was a liberal spray of any random perfume to get rid of the smell of dog which had also lingered with us. Now, thanks to still having friends in the airport and getting some exit row seats, I’m still convinced that airlines are trying to put people on diets as these seats definitely couldn’t fit anything over a size 12 in them, every time I crossed my legs I changed the channel on the TV & ate from the elbows down (ahhh the middle seat joy!)
A couple of hours into the flight there was a distinct smell coming from my right…I can only guess on Richards trip through the duty free he had sprayed Shit R US on himself! the altitude had certainly not vacuum sealed his arsehole, that’s last time I order him an Asian Vegetarian meal.
Change of flights & 16 hours later…Hello Hong Kong!
Driving into Hong Kong I wasn’t really sure what to expect but the only way to describe it is “New York on a Hill”, it is a truly amazing site – shiny skyscrapers, twinkling lights and designer shops as far as you can see. Alas, we bypassed all of that to our accommodation where there was a strong whiff of shrimp paste (if you’ve never smelled it, don’t – it stinks) and deep fried chickens feet.
As I said, we hadn’t really done any planning for the trip so the 1st conversation was very much “what do you want to do?”, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” Anything that stops the smell of rotting fish sticking up my nose I’ll be happy with, a walk through the park and to the Peak tram it is, with a coffee stop on the way. Now not one to cast aspersions on anyones height but what the hell is the crack with their stools???? its like sitting in an infant school classroom with a bunch of over grown tourists looking like they’ve been placed on the naughty chair!
Food time! I was expecting the food to be amazing, however finding a vegetarian restaurant in Hong Kong is like finding a needle in a haystack but none the less we found one eventually. The menu said “stir fried vegetables, fungus & monkey head” – tell you what, lets leave the monkey head, whatever the hell that is & just go with the vegetables & fungus!
On 2nd thoughts, after seeing the fungus which looked like over tanned, wrinkly old ladies nipples, you could have left those in the kitchen too and for pudding Tea & Cheese – no I don’t mean a cup of tea with a lump of cheddar on the side, I mean Green tea topped with cheese – yep we’ll side swerve that one too.
And so starts Day 2 of the sunny Hong Kong adventure, until we opened the curtains and it’s tipping with rain – waterproofs at the ready & we head over to Kowloon. Stepping off the ferry and heading towards the city centre you’re bombarded with “looky looky” bags, belts & watches and after the 10th person has thrust his business card under our noses saying “you wanna buy a Rolex” the words “what makes you think I can’t afford a real one?” came out of my mouth…then I caught a glimpse of my reflection in Louis Vuittons shop window, my Indian dress had slipped down to my knees with my scarf trailing behind me like a tail through the puddles & my poncho wet through resembling a black bag – I was one step away from selling heather… Ok, point taken!
Lets head to Kowloons Kung Fu park, well as expected it didn’t take Richard long to try out his best Karate Kid pose and the maze was completely and utterly wasted on Gulliver too.
Food time again and this time on a recommendation, Ned Kelly’s.
Now forgetting the fact that it was the darkest and dingiest place possible in HK (in amongst all of the neon outside) when you sit having a coffee and the conversation at the bar behind you consists of a very loud Australian man declaring that he can fart almost all National Anthems you have to wonder – who the hell recommended this place? that was without tackling the Krypton Factor of shit to get to the toilet. (part of me did want to hear God Save the Queen though!)
That’s it, tomorrow I’m finding somewhere to eat, so following a beautiful serene day at Lantau Island visiting the Tian Tan Buddha (the largest outdoor Buddha in the World) I was very much back to my India calmness…Indian it is and guess what there’s a “restaurant” just round the corner from our hotel…I found it on Google.
When the nicely dressed Chinese family came out of the broken lift shaking their heads muttering no, no, no – clue… 1 it will be fine lets take the stairs and we can just step over the homeless man asleep – clue 2…it will be fine. So there we were, at my recommendation (well googles really) with an OK looking curry in what can only be described as restaurant / laundry but at least we were eventually on adult sized chairs. Trying to do the right thing by taking our left overs and leaving it next to the sleeping homeless man on the way out, heres hoping he’s not looking forward to a tasty Chicken curry when all he’s getting is Chickpeas!
Now there’s a weird translation thing going on, what is obviously a very reputable company in Hong Kong doesn’t really translate back into English that well.
Say Hello to the Ming Hing Water Company!
So its a fond farewell to Hong Kong & Hello Manila…
Manky Manila, Hobbits & Hookers to follow!
Middle Seat Passenger 