Sometimes you can travel to places and be there less than 24 hours and it can feel more like a week – Mumbai is one of those places!
On arrival, after the usual bartering over the price of a taxi we’re on our way to what, on Booking.com, looked like India’s version of a Travelodge – Oh Dear God how I wish it was…I think from now on my responsibility for booking accommodation has well and truly been taken away from me. As we turned off the Road of Death into a back alley – passing the man selling petrol out of water & Sprite bottles we arrive at Fab Hotel – at least I hadn’t booked next-door…they had balconies!
Our previous experience of Delhi hotels comes flooding back and how far the can stretch the truth.
The description on the booking was a Deluxe double room with a view, ensuite bathroom with toilet paper and towels, availability to exercise at the FAB gym and includes breakfast.
Where do I start…Deluxe was a bit of an overstretch, the bedside lamp was held together with a cable tie, I’m not sure what the view was meant to be as there wasn’t a window. We did however have an ensuite bathroom with toilet paper…all 3 sheets of them (so definitely no shits for the next 12 hours!) and the towels looked like they’d mopped up a murder and then gave them a quick rinse. We did have the “availability to exercise” in our very own Roomnasium – so sit on the floor and circle your ankles it is then.
At least breakfast should be on time as we’re right next-door to the kitchen.
Time for a wander I think so off we go for a little walkabout, now to say the traffic is mental is an understatement and this is Sunday so everything is a lot quieter, it makes Manila look like a country village, that being said I think we’ll still take our chances with the cars, rickshaws and mopeds rather than the pavements.
Our “stay away from the curries” plan due to lack of toilet paper didn’t last long as we stopped for our 60p lunch – the food by the way is incredible here even if you are eating it in a shithole. As Richard swallows his 2nd green chilli the sweats and nose running starts so after asking for a napkin he’s handed a page of what is obviously Mumbai’s version of the Shields Weekly newspaper, off he goes wiping away the sweat and blowing his nose only to find the front page news now transferred all across his forehead!
To cool down from lunch and the crazy heat outside its onto the Metro to Adheri – if you weren’t self conscious before you will be after a trip on the Metro and through the Railway station. I thought things may have changed since the last time we were in a major Indian city but Oh no, we’re still looked at as though the Freaks have come to town. I’m not sure which one of use they would have thrown into the circus first…me with the short blonde hair or the tall grey haired bloke beside me!
Thankfully, we’ve managed to stay awake until a reasonable time so if we get a good nights sleep the jet lag shouldn’t be too bad…Alas, this was not to be, due to the aforementioned kitchen being next-door and the paper thin walls we heard every kettle being boiled, cup being washed and tray being clattered for people leaving all throughout the night. We were well and truly awake when our breakfast arrived, Richards cornflakes were gasping for breath in the milk that had been boiled to within an inch of its life (we forgot about asking for cold milk, otherwise everything comes boiling bloody hot).
We make it across the Road of Death back to the airport for the flight to Goa and found the other handy use of the Shields Weekly…I’m assuming they are keeping the sun out of the cockpit and they weren’t giving it a lick of paint.
Only in India!
Namaste.
Middle Seat Passenger 